Mercedes-Benz S 560: opulence and excess in a dream car that practically drives itself

Some have suggested that the 2018 Mercedes-Benz S 560 4MATIC sedan is the very definition of luxury on four wheels.

Others have praised the car’s gadgets, gimmicks and astonishing array of electronic contrivances with the enthusiasm of true believers in the wonders of technology. The S-Class is, indeed, loaded with computer power – to the point where the electronic driving nannies are very close to making drivers redundant.

Mercedes-Benz S-Klasse S 560

Case in point: the semi-autonomous steering can manage a lane change all by itself. Tap the signal stalk and if various sensors say the coast is clear, the car will move into the next lane without your help.

And there’s more. The nearly autonomous drive system in the S uses GPS data to adjust your highway speed based on the surrounding traffic and posted limits. It also puts you at the appropriate speed for curves and intersections. And it will do your laundry and iron your shirts. Okay, just kidding about the last two.

But the powertrain upgrades are no joke, and then there’s an interior so opulent it would make even Donald Trump blush. Speaking of the orange president, the facelifted S 560 4MATIC LWB (for long wheelbase) is as heavy as Air Force One and feels as much. If this car were human, it would be Dwayne Johnson in Hugo Boss.

In a nutshell, many will argue that the S-Class is the best of the German luxury flagships, more delightful than a BMW 7-Series and with more presence than Audi’s A8. Count me among the advocates.

Quite the cockpit.

Meanwhile, the always shy and self-effacing Mercedes people will tell you they have now and forever had one simple and very challenging goal with the S-Class: make the best car in the world.

There is tremendous subjectivity in claiming anything is the “best in the world,” but we can say with impunity that no automaker puts more effort into creating a line of flagship sedans. I mean, in Canada, Merc sells five separate versions of the S-Class ($108,100 and more), along with duo of Maybach S-Class cars starting at $209,000.

Short wheelbase, long wheelbase, 4MATIC all-wheel drive, a couple of AMG versions (S 63, S 65)… By God, if you’re a one percenter who can’t find a suitable S, you are simply impossible to please.

Your ride awaits.

Which brings me to the S 560 LWB, which provided me with a taste of a life of automotive opulence and privilege. The base price here is $126,300, but why stop there.

Let’s say you add the Sport Package because you simply must have the AMG body styling and wheels, along with the sport brake system. Then you throw in the Premium Package, the Premium Rear Seating Package, the massaging rear seats, an air purification system, head-up display, electrically heated windscreen, Magic Sky Control, Burmester 3D surround sound, rear entertainment, the full-on Intelligent Drive Package, night vision, and a pre-paid maintenance package. Now you have yourself a $175,000 S 560, with three years of connected services thrown in for free, along with a year of Merc’s concierge service at no charge, too.

I list all these extras because I think its important to understand and appreciate the thought and effort that went into creating not just a car, but an automotive experience for customers whose wants, needs and expectation that are unfathomable for the great unwashed masses who are quite thrilled with a new Kia or a Ford.

First class rear seating.

Perhaps the most understandable aspect of the S 560 is the powertrain: a new for 2018 twin-turbo V-8 rated at 463 hp and 516 lb-ft of torque. It’s mated to a terrific nine-speed automatic and the entire arrangement is a joy – silky yet strong, responsive, but not jumpy or jittery. Not that it’s really a talking point, but 0-100 km/hour arrives in 4.6 seconds in a car with the presence of a tank.

I cannot begin to chronicle all the different ways you can customize your S-Class, from drive modes to the astonishing widescreen digital display. Using either the familiar COMMAND console-mounted wheel and touchpad, or a tiny, touch-sensitive nub on the right spoke of the steering wheel, you can adjust nearly everything – from the virtual gauge cluster to the interior ambiance (lighting and such).

If you’re a keener, you can spend hours and hours exploring and setting up a level of personalization that is extraordinary. Beyond all that, the cabin is a symphony of leather, wood and shiny bits that are, I would argue, a bit masculine and very powerful from both a visual and tactile point of view.

So, is this car the very definition of automotive luxury? Yes, of course. It is a staggering combination of new technologies and old-world coddling and excess. I can imagine Donald Trump loving all of it, and perhaps Conrad Black, too.